I love you and you are beautiful to me! Please accept my apologies. I love you more than ever. I have to pick up Gerado at 8 and get to the house. Maybe everything will go well today and I'll feel better. Love you
terry@nakedcontractor.com wrote: Well, last night I found myself coming down with a cold. You know how I
say “I notice that I swallow”? That was last night, and this morning my
throat is sore. I read another chapter this morning since I went right to
sleep last night after writing you. Please read this quote twice, I want
you to try to understand it. “ ’No one knows me,’ we think. “People know
my name, but not my heart. They know my face, but not my feelings. I
have a Social Security number, but not a soul mate. No one really knows
me. And … No one’s near me.’ ” As I read these words I thought
of how
you must feel. I know that you are my soul mate, but after the things I
said you may not feel the same about me anymore. I know that you love me,
but I am sure that I put a tear or fracture in your love. You may not
think as much of me as you once did. I will do all that I can to never
leave you again. I should be there holding you right now, but I’m not.
You need hugs, lots of hugs. See MerryLee this morning if she is at home.
If not, and you feel safe with asking Joe for a hug; ask him, I’m sure
that he will oblige. There is also another choice. You may not agree
with what I am about to say, for I have never recommended this to you
before, but keep in mind that I am not telling you to do this, it is just
another thought. Call Bill this morning and get Paul’s phone number.
Give Paul a call and see if you can make an appointment to see him. Tell
him whatever you want (including about us if you think you need to). Seek
his
advice, he will not only ask you to turn to God, but he may also have
some well needed physical advice. Have you asked God for his help? I
don’t want to sound like I’m getting on a high horse or anything; I am
trying to find a way to comfort you. My telling you I love you is not
enough for you right now. If I was there, our making love wouldn’t help
either, but that is what I always offer because I don’t know what else to
offer to you. I don’t know how to prove my love for you to you. Because
of my insecurities I have hurt you more in this last month than I have
hurt you in the previous eight and a half years. How can I apologize
enough to make up for it? I don’t think I can and all I can do is ask for
your understanding, your forgiveness. I am so sorry that I have done this
at this time, for all it has done is add to the misery that Chuck has
created for you.
I have also told you this before, but it bears repeating, maybe in
a
different form. You know how you get a picture of someone in your mind
when you talk to them on the phone? Then when you finally meet them they
are not at all like you pictured them? Please keep that in mind as I
proceed to mess up my explanation. Maybe it will help you understand.
Beauty of face, mind, and body is a rare thing to me. I never told Phil
or Sue that they were beautiful. I only told Alena once that I can
remember. You I tell everyday. I guess since I tell you so much I must
have lessened the impact. I would trade the most magnificent sunset for a
view of you naked. There is just no comparison. I use the word naked
because you have nothing to hide. I have seen you at your best and at
your worst, and at your worst you are still the most beautiful sight I
have ever seen. If I could convince you that the word “tomboy” was a
compliment, then I could tell you more, but that will have to wait. I’m
sorry I’ve told you my
heart, but I thought you knew how much I loved you.
I wish that I could paint, for I would paint a picture of you that would
have the world spinning and move the Mona Lisa to second place. I wish
that I could photograph you with my eye for you, so that you could see how
beautiful you really to me and everyone else. You are not “just a piece
of ass” to Joe either, I’m sure that he sees the same beauty in you. I am
sorry that I keep bringing Joe up in these letters, but George was a long
time ago, and Chuck doesn’t count. So I must bring Joe up. I’m sure that
Joe loves you because you are so lovable. His love may be motivated by
sexual attraction, but there is a lot in you to love, so it can’t be only
sex. I tell you how I wish I could photograph you when the light hits
your breasts in a certain way, I also want to photograph you in your
painting clothes, because there you really shine. Some people need
makeup, heels, clothes etc. to be
beautiful. You are ALWAYS beautiful.
In the shower, after you take all your makeup off, whatever you wear or
don’t wear. I like it best, and you are the most beautiful, when you
smile. I hurt every time I find out that I am the cause that takes that
smile away. I am sorry that I have no tact, I am sorry that I hurt you, I
am sorry that I added to your self deprecation. I don’t know who or why
someone would have told you that you were homely, for you have never been
homely to me. NEVER!! I have always thought you were beautiful, just not
in the manner I expected, as in the phone picture above. You are still
God’s most beautiful creation, and I am blessed by God to have you in my
life and by you for letting me love you.
I’m sorry that it takes me so long to write, that this has taken me over a
hour, but I still type by the biblical method, “seek and ye shall find”.
I know that I promised you a love letter and I have not yet
started it, so
I will mail this to you and then read a little to get my mind back on
track so I can write you a love letter that may cheer you up. It’s 5:49
your time, and you may be getting up since you don’t sleep too well when
things don’t go well with Fhuck.
I Love You. I really really do.
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