Whenever I screw up, whenever I hurt you in the
slightest way, I NEED to know. How can I avoid doing those things
again
if I don’t know that I’m doing them at all? For example, how have
you
felt when I said “I don’t want you to have sex with Joe, but if you
need
to, go ahead.”? Did that hurt you? Did you feel that I didn’t
trust you?
Or did you feel that I truly loved you and was empowering you to be
you?
First...you didn't say that you didn't want me to have sex with Joe, you said if I wanted to I should because you thought I needed more time than you are able to give right now. Of course I figured that you wouldn't want me to and Yes and NO to both questions. I felt that you didn't trust me but that didn't hurt because I understood that this was new territory for you and Yes I felt that you really loved me but
it was certainly not an "empowering" feeling.
Then again, you may feel that if you did take me up on my statement,
thatI wouldn’t be able to handle it and maybe I was just looking for an
excuse to break up with you.
It crosses my mind that that make make it easier for you to get on with your life. You realize that I'm not perfect like you once thought.
The same with your smoking, I don’t know what
really goes through your mind when I complain. You have quit in the
past, you have given me dates that you would quit in the past, but I really
don’t know where your mind is at. When you don’t quit, is it your
way of not letting me control you, or is it just the habit that controls you?
The habit has become more controlling to me than ever before and I guess I need to start with some baby steps to release
it.
Right now, are you bothered by this email, or do you believe that I
love you and am just trying to understand you more?
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