Yes, I would really like to explore this one with you. I have thought
about trust and love a little more, and I really think that my trust in
you has to be limited to the fact that I believe what you tell me. For
how can I empower you to be you and then say “I trust you not to do
anything with Joe”. That is putting my requirements on you. No the
only
thing I can really do is to trust that you will always tell me the
truth,
and not avoid it either, as I do with Alena. That way, if you were to
kiss Joe (as in a sexy kiss, not a friendly kiss), or have sex with
him,
or whatever else, my trust will be that I believe everything you tell

Joe did kiss me a couple times, once just friendly and then tried for a passionate one. He said something like "Carla, your kiss had no passion, didn't we used to be great at kissing?" So at one point I tried, I'm sorry, out of curiosity, to kiss him back.( I'm sorry for that because I love you ..so you and I need to talk that out.) I 'm not sure what part of me or me and you I might have been testing. Maybe I thought that if he and I had something and you decided to stay with Alena that I could have a friend for a while. It was just a friend, not sex that I was looking for. But that really confirmed that there is nothing there. There's no chemistry and I realized that I'm just superficially attracted to him. I seem to remember telling you that before. That he and I just didn't work out sexually. I don't think it's because we didn't like each other way back when. We just don't connect as anything but "casual" friends but since he is married and still horny he's just always looking for an outlet. It's become insulting even as friends like I have nothing else to offer if I won't have sex. So maybe it's true that men and women can't just be friends. That would be sad...especially for a Tom Boy.

The really screwed up part of this is all the connections. If he hadn't been working for Steve who was in Business Leads I could have told him the truth abou you and me from the beginning. Now he's working for you, knows Alena, Steve, Fchuck, etc. So I can never tell him the truth until we are together...not even if you fire him. You probably will fire him and he will just go away. I'm not asking you to...I'm simply stating that's probably what will happen.